More Journaling Catch Up.

I should really start journaling on a regular basis. It'd be a lot easier for me to if I actually had a working laptop, but that's besides the point. The point is is that I need to catch up on my journals. I'll go by the dates, it's easier for me.

A couple of weeks ago (27 April) everyone had finally picked out their scenes, and we all read though them. I noticed that a lot of people picked comedies, I really enjoyed a lot of the choices. Some of them seemed a little off-kilter, but that's just my personal taste in scene choices. I suppose you ought to do the off-kilter ones in a classroom setting so you can be prepared if you ever have to do on in a cold read. Altogether I'm excited for this round of scenes and monologues. I have a feeling that it'll be fun. Ryan and I are doing well with our scene, and I'm confident that we'll do great.

April 29th, we began doing work-throughs for the first half of the class. Each person either did their scene or their monologue. However, Ryan and I didn't have to do either because we switched with Gina and DeAndre. I'm totally ok with that, haha. I'm liking many of the choices people are making with their performances, a lot of people have grown already in the course of a semester. We all took notes and Peter decided to run class a little differently; he would pick two people after each performance to give notes and then he would give his notes. I think this method is a lot better than how it went before the midterm, because now it's a given that people will really pay attention to a scene rather than make up some bs note to give them for credit in the class.

After our furough day May 4th, class resumed on the 6th. This time Ryan and I both performed our scene and monologue. I, personally, was a little shaky on both because Peter was in a "Hurryuphurryuphurryupfinishfinishgogogogogo." kind of mood, so I was purposely trying to be faster and it flustered me a bit. Other than that though I did ok. I hadn't really worked on my monologue previously, and I think it showed. I started pulling back old characters that I've done before, and that's way bad. I need to build a new character for this performance, and it's silly of me to instinctually fall back onto something I did before. The scene was ok as well, I feel like with more direction it would be better. I'm really pleased with all of the feedback I'm getting from my classmates, it's really helping me see parts of the character or scene that I didn't really pay attention to before. This time around the notes are really helpful, and I'm really appreciative of it.

And finally, there's today. Today in class the first group of students went to perform their scenes. I was really impressed with everyone and a lot of the choices they made. So many of the pieces transformed completely, I really liked it. I can't wait to do my scene with Ryan next Thursday, it'll be fun. We just need to work on it some more, but I'm sure it'll end up being great.

Midsummer opened on the 30th of April, and closed on the 8th of May. We had such an amazing run! The show was sold out almost every single night, and we got a standing ovation to a full house closing night!!! (That's 500 PEOPLE. Holy shoot.) It was such an experience to work on, I loved it, and I'm sad to see it go. I've been reading some reviews about it, and a lot of people really liked it! I read Brittany's review of it, and she mentioned me! It made me feel really good, especially considering that I had a very few amount of lines. It was so nice of her to include me in her review, it really brightened up my day.

OH YEAH!! I ALMOST FORGOT! I got into Labyrinth of Desire!!!!! It's the season opener next school year, I'm so excited!! I got a lead, the character Laura. She really reminds me of Jasmine from Aladdin, in the respect that she has a bunch of suitors that she's not particularly interested in. She's also intelligent and witty. I'm so happy to be working on the show, it'll be so much fun. I've always wanted to do a show in the Experimental, also. The other two mainstage shows I've been in have been in the Don Powell, so it's about time I did a show in the Experimental. Rehearsals start August 16th, so I'll still have a nice summer break. I think I'll need a nice distraction around that time too, since John is most likely moving to LA in August.

John and my one year anniversary was this weekend, too! Yay! C: <3

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Final Monologue, Scene Work, And More

So last Monday I performed my monologue for it's final grade for Peter. I thought it went pretty well. It was really awkward for me, since it was in an office and he was about two feet away from me and the space was pretty tiny. It was just kind of awkward and it threw me off. I got an A, which is cool, but I know I could have done better. I just didn't know what to do in the space, you know? I didn't want to act like I would in a larger space because I'm sure that would have been annoying and a bad choice. It was very weird for me. I kind of lost the characterization that I had found. That's something odd for me; I can perform perfectly in classrooms and audition rooms and such, rooms that have been designated as "acting spaces". But when I get thrown into a different environment, it gets me off- kilter. It's more of a socialized thing, I suppose. I don't know, it's odd.

Tuesday in class more people did their final scenes and monologues. I really want to start working on new monologues and scenes. I really like getting new material to work on, especially scene work. I'm excited to see what everyone else ends up doing. It's always cool to see people play different characters than something they played before. I like seeing the changes people make with themselves to make different characters. Also the scene and monologue choices people make interest me. I like seeing plays that I haven't heard of. But it's also cool to see the well-known ones and see the actors' take on it.

I finally picked out my next monologue. It's from Women of Manhattan by John Patrick Shanley. It's pretty funny, and I enjoy it a lot. I'm looking forward to working on it some more. I haven't had the chance to read the play yet, but I'm going to soon. I really like Shanley's work, and I'm looking forward to reading this next play. I've hardly had time to read plays lately because of Midsummer, that show is eating up my time like nobody's business.

Even though there was a furlough last Thursday, Ryan and I met to start rehearsing and blocking our scene. I'm really excited for it. We both started memorizing a lot of it as well. We broke the scene into beats and we managed to get through a hug chunk of it. It was just frustrating because some people yoinked the experimental from us even though that's where our class was held, and by the time we got it it was time for another class. Regardless, I'm really enjoying working with Ryan, it's really fun. Everything is super easy and fun to do.

Today I have tech for Midsummer, so we'll see how that goes. It's a really light-heavy show, so we'll probably be there for ages. Guh. Even if I don't do anything, tech always really tires me out. Seriously. Something about it just makes me want to fall asleep.

Midsummer opens next Friday, April 30th! Go see it!

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Juries // Edward Albee // A Realization

Technically this isn't a journal entry about class, but I really wanted to include it and write about it. Today we had juries at SDSU. If you don't know what juries are, here's an explanation from the SDSU Theatre webpage itself.


"Each spring the department holds a day long event that brings six nationally renown[sic?] professionals to campus to view and critique student work. The process is unique because students show their work as collaborators in groups organized as producing units: director, designers, and cast. The productions presented vary each year. They may be plays, musicals, operas, and with the recent addition of film and television to the department, one of the three groups seen during the day, presents a film adaptation of the theatrical production. In a short talk, the director explains what he or she intended. Then the designers show models, plans, renderings, and briefly explain their work. After a short scene from the play, the jurors can see what a full production would be like and they can then discuss, critique, question, and sometimes praise the work."


This year, SDSU did "At Home at the Zoo" by Edward Albee. There were three groups, and each group performed something different. I only had the opportunity to see the first group present/ perform. I found that they were pretty good, and I was incredibly surprised when Edward Albee himself spoke. He said something so pure and true. Honestly I feel like I learned more about the theatre today than I have for all 6 years of having been a student of theatre.

He stated that we're all essentially being taught gibberish.

And I completely agree.

Acting isn't a strenuous, overcomplicated method. It's life. It's people who may or may not have existed, but are nevertheless existing on a stage in their own world. It's real. It's not this overthought, overtly long and complicated manner where you read far too much into it than you should. Life is life. Yes, there may be motivations behind actions or subtext, but it's not so complicated. It's life.

Some other great quotes (I can't guarantee that they are the exact ways he said them, however the meanings are the same.):

"If a character is symbolic, he should come on stage wearing a sign that says 'I'm symbolic and here's what I represent.'"

"Is there a power surge?" (In reference to why there was a lighting change during an indoor scene.)

"You can't direct symbolism or metaphor."

It just really put everything into perspective for me. I realized today that acting isn't some long drawn out process you have to overthink to do. It's just life. Don't overdo it. Life isn't big and showy and overtly symbolic or controlled. You don't know what's going to happen. You have to imitate real life and real life situations when acting. You... Well you just do it. Granted, you should think about it and create a new persona or individual. Someone that isn't you. But once you figure them out, you jump in and let it become second nature. Let the character take over. Don't make unnecessary movements or melodramatic ways of speaking. Life isn't a performance of unsurprising movements and words that are overtly enunciated. Life is real.

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Class

So. Back to classtime journalism. I guess.

On a completely different note, I'm listening to Gorillaz new album Plastic Beach. (More specifically, "White Flag".) If you get a chance, seriously listen to it. Or youtube it. Legit.

So I was told I need to be more in-depth about my class journals. Which is hard for me, since I'm just watching scenes, and I personally don't want to critique people in my journal. I feel that any constructive criticism I give should be left between me and the student. This is because I'm just a student, and I feel that even though I've been doing theatre for 6 years, I don't need to go blabbering about my opinions of other people's acting abilities. I'm still learning myself, so what right do I have, you know?

That's just my personal view. I'm all down for constructive criticism, but not in such a public fashion.

That being said, I really don't have much to say about our first week back. Turns out there were a lot more kinks in the whole "online" part of the class than I thought there would be. Some people had some technical issues, others didn't even do the work at all. I suppose that's because a lot of us have heard stories about the previous times this was tried. We heard that someone didn't even do any of this and he passed with a B, so I guess they thought it would be treated the same this semester. I guess not though. Eh.

People have been doing scenes and stuff. DeAndre and I worked our butts off the first week back. We originally thought we would work-through the 8th, but he and I were both really sick so we didn't. Instead we performed it full-on today. We brought props and costumes, and we nailed it. Or I thought so, at least. We got grades we weren't expecting. It sucks, since I know I did my best, but apparently it's still not good enough for some. I guess I can't let it get to me though. Not everyone is going to like what one does. The scene was really tough for me, and I know that given the time and resources we had, I did all I could do with it. I was really proud of DeAndre, too.

Today I also found out that Ryan Heath is my scene partner. It should be fun, I'm excited. We talked about doing a comedic scene, and Ryan suggested doing one from "Rumors". I completely agreed. Even though I did it in high school for a show, I know that I've completely changed as an actor. I've gotten a lot better, and I want to approach the scene differently than how the performance was directed. I want to make it more organic and real and less "showy". Ryan and I decided to do the opening scene of the play between Chris and Ken. It's a really fast-paced scene and somewhat farcical, it should be really fun.

I also have to get a second monologue. I guess I'll look over my journal entries and see if I like anything. I was thinking of doing a comedic monologue, I don't have a contemporary comedic that I really feel strong about. I don't know. We'll see.

Turns out that Ryan and I will be performing the same day we do our monologues. Originally it was just our scene, and then the next class we had to perform our monologues, but Gina is the maid of honor in a wedding (Yay Gina!) and was planning to leave the day she had to perform her scene. I figured if I was in that position, I'd want someone to switch with me (I mean seriously, maid of honor is a big deal.) so Ryan and I said we would switch scene days. I dont mind switching, I mean it's not like we've been planning on performing that day, we were just assigned it today.

Midsummer opens relatively soon. We're finally finalizing all the blocking and such, and rehersals have been going good. I may do some tours of the theatre for the kids seeing the show, which should be fun. I did it for Twain, and I had a really good time. Plus I'm helping Chris Wollman and C.J. do the orientations for the incoming freshman and transfers this summer. I'm super excited about that. I can't wait to see the incoming people. I hope there are a lot, seeing as so many people are graduating this year. Seriously.

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En Clase

So, today was class. I've really been scrambling all week to get my midterm things finished. Especially my monologue. Basically I've been reading plays like a madwoman and trying to get everything together. Not to mention the acting book. I chose An Actor Prepares by Constantin Stanislavski. I'm really liking the way the book is written. It's essentially semi-fiction; it's the story of fictional characters in an acting school, and the lessons are taught to the reader of the book by the characters teaching one another. I'm finding it a lot easier to read than the other acting books I've read. It captures my attention a lot more. It's like reading an I Spy or a Choose Your Own Adventure book instead of the dictionary; it's a lot more fun and easier to understand.

Unless you're this kid.

I'm really looking forward to continuing with the book. I literally have sticky tabs in it everywhere to mark the important parts. (Stanislavski even makes it easy on you and italicizes the acting methods.) If you can, I highly reccomend the book. I know I'll be buying it after this class.

On another note, I did my monologue from Elephant today. It felt a lot better than it did when I originally performed it. I think it's partially because I knew the lines completely this time, and partially because I've been working on it a lot. I've been doing a lot of character work and trying to figure out who this girl is, and I feel like I've almost figured it out. Peter liked a lot of my acting choices too. The only note he had was to play with standing up at an earlier place in the monologue, and I have to say that I agree with that choice as well. Standing up on the line I had wasn't nearly climactic enough, and it didn't feel right. I'll play with it some more.

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Statue & Narrative

I completely forgot to do this in my last entry. So here goes.

The statue I created is very strong to me. I entitled it "Come and Get Me.", simply because I imagined that's what someone in that pose would say. (In a condescending tone.) In the statue, I make my torso "stand tall", however my head is slightly angled downwards with my eyes remaining level, creating an intense, angry look. In addition, I purse my lips slightly with a very faint smile. My arms are held outwards with my palms facing away from me, somewhat looking like I'm crucified, I guess. I find it to be a very strong image, and I like it a lot.


Personal Myth

While I'm still a little foggy about what exactly I have to write about, I figure I may as well have at. What I understand what I'm supposed to write for my "Personal Myth" is a specific point in my life with a very clear poignant emotion. Let's see how this goes.

First of all, let me just say how hard it is to think of specific memories when you're told to think of a specific memory. It's really hard. I can be reminded of specific things in everyday conversations, but when I'm told to think of one and write about it, well, I fall flat. I mean, honestly I'm only writing this paragraph because I can't think of anything.

So, I may as well write about a huge ordeal that inspired my own personal journey to finding myself.

After the first few months of being in college my freshman year, I realized that I wasn't exactly happy with my boyfriend at the time. Explaining why is a whole other story, so I'll just leave it at that. So I broke up with him. Now, this was at a point where I didn't have people I considered to be close friends at state, and the fact that I had broken up with my now ex-boyfriend made my old "friends" disown me. So I was essentially alone. I mean, I had my family, but the rest of my social life was hardly what I wanted it to be.

I didn't go around trying to replace everyone. Instead, I figured this was a perfect time for me to grow and become a better person and to find myself.

I write in my own personal journal a lot, and this except perfectly encompasses how I felt at that time:

"...I'm beginning to feel as if I'm apart. I'm somewhat displaced from everyone & the rest of the world... displaced and apart & observant. Someone so away that they can firmly assess their own situation pragmatically. Intelligently. It's like... Like I'm almost untouchable."

Or this one.

"Sometimes I feel like some force. Because I'm all alone. I'm all alone and by myself and have no attachment. Therefore I feel somewhat holy and untouchable. As if I were encased within an aura."

It's this incredibly profound feeling of being yourself. Being aware of yourself and how you act. And being capable of existing all by yourself. It's liberating and free and scary. And that was the first time I'd ever felt it. It's somewhat aloof, yet willing to take everything in.

I love that feeling.

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Concerning Class - A "Catch Up"

Once again, I've been slacking in the journal entries. Vagina Monologues really took up a lot of my time, but I'll write another entry about that experience. I'm catching up with my entries now.


18 February 2010

Today we performed our monologues. Well, some of us at least. I performed mine. It went ok. I could have done better. A LOT better. I don't know why, but I just couldn't commit. I tried, I really did. I'm going to work on it more, so hopefully it'll be fine. I think part of it is that I was a little shaky on the lines. I mean, I had all of them, but I fell back to my usual "Well I'm not confident about this line, so I'm going to get nervous" thing. I think once I get "solid" on them I'll do great.

We also critiqued each other. I think it's really important to get feedback from your peers, so I'm really glad Peter told us to do that. I think it's eye opening to get feedback from so many people as well, because lord knows Peter doesn't have the time to give all of us a ton of notes. Seeing so many different takes and perspectives on acting is really interesting. Some groups also read-through parts of their scenes.



23 Febuary 2010

We basically did today what we did last week. More people performing their monologues, others doing their scenes. DeAndre and I have our scene. It's the first few pages of Danny and the Deep Blue Sea by John Patrick Shanley. I really like the scene a lot. In the beginning and most of the middle it's very conversational and somewhat guarded between the two characters, but then near the end it becomes very twisted and sick, especially for my character, Roberta. I'm really excited.



25 Feb 2010

In class today we did a really Suzuki-esque exercize/ approach to characterization. I remember doing this during the callbacks for Hotel Cassiopea my first semester at state. The general idea is that you get your body moving and focused on one task, then you create "statues" from a neutral position. the movement should be completely organic and not pre-meditated at all. The whole thing was extremly physical and tiring, but still cool. After awhile, Peter told us that we would characterize one of the statues we created and use it for our scene. I really liked that, especially because the statue I came up with really coincided with how I had originally wanted to characterize Roberta. (Completely unintentionally, mind you. It was a very interesting coincidence.)

I really like that we're doing exercizes about physicality. I think it's often overlooked by actors our age, especially if it's "just" for scenes. It makes me aware of every facet of the character, from mentality to physicality to irks or compulsions our character has due to possibly scarring experiences they encounter.

God I love theatre.



2 March 2010

We continued work with our statue characterizations today. I'm really enjoying all of this. We took the characterization even further this time and incorporated the other characters into it, meaning that we basically walked around the room and greeted one another. I liked doing this because it actually made me think outside of the lines I have or the statue I created. My character received her own voice in that moment. We also got with our scene partners and did some contact improv, which I really enjoyed. I had done some earlier this semester in my Improv class with the Larlhams. It was a really intersting experience.

DeAndre and I did a read-through of our scene today as well. We didn't do much of it, but Peter said he really enjoyed it for us. He said that he liked what I was doing vocally and the choices I was making already, which is cool. He also said that she's a very intelligent person, which I agree with. I want to try to show the audience that Roberta is a really intelligent person, even though she's really hurt and messed up.

On another note, I've come up with a list of plays I'm going to read. (Finally.) I've been putting it off, but I may as well start now. They're basically just plays that I've been wanting to read anyway, so it's a good excuse. Expect a few play entries soon. And my Vagina Monologues paper/ experience thing. And other stuff.

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Whoops.

So I haven't been writing lately. Whoops. Vagina Monologues have really been taking up my time lately. We got our Spotlight monologue (finally), and then were was a little fiasco with it. I hate cast drama, I really do. I wish people could man up to situations and take charge. But whatever. Gotta keep the mood cool and classy so the show is good. If there's tension between the actors, the audience will be able to tell. They're not stupid. Regardless of that though, Vagina's going pretty damned good. Last rehearsal we had a lot of energy, and for our individual rehearsal, Jill and I really cranked it up. We rocked it like nobody else. It's gon' be a GOOD show.

You don't wanna miss shows with lines like this.

Along the lines of class, we've basically begun legitimately working. I got partnered with DeAndre for the scene, which should be really fun. I've never had the opportunity to work with him before, and I'm looking forward to it. We also chose monologues. I chose one from Elephant by Margie Stokley. In it, the character Michelle is in a hospital coping with the loss of her brother. She's introducing herself at a group therapy session.

I chose this monologue because I've been wanting to do something with it. I have a couple monologue books, and I've dog eared all the monologues I would like to do one day. This one grabbed my attention because Michelle isn't a "character", in my eyes she may as well be a real person that I just met. I really like her character and such.

Tomorrow DeAndre and I are going to search some more for a scene. So far our labors have been fruitless. Peter suggested something from Christopher Durang, and that's probably what we'll end up doing. We'll see.

On another note, I'm Peaseblossom in Midsummer! I'm freaking excited, that was my first choice. C:

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This Coming Week

I suppose since we have a furlough tomorrow I'm not required to write, but I kind of want to anyway. I have a lot of things buzzing around in my brain today.

Yesterday I rehearsed my monologue for Vagina Monologues with Jill and Sarah during our breaks. It went really well! During the rehearsal process so far, Jill and I have had some trouble getting our lines the way they're exactly written in the script. I mean, we thought we were memorized, but it turns out we both memorized things with tiny words cut out or added in, so we fixed that for good yesterday.

What helps me a lot in memorizing things verbatim is once you mess up a line, you go back to the beginning of the entire monologue or paragraph and start from there until you get that one little line right. We ended up doing that, and we both finally did the monologue with no flub ups at all. Smooth like butta'.

It got me thinking, playwrights write their scripts with purpose. They wouldn't include extraneous words. They wrote it they way they did for a reason, and sometimes a line may seem silly, but it's important to the playwright (and ultimately the character), so sometimes an actor must decipher how to make the line have meaning or not sound silly.

This Saturday I have auditions for a scene study course. They're doing a scene from "Revolutionary Road", and it's really powerful. I love it and can't wait for auditions. I think a bit of real film experience will look good on my resume. Plus if I got in it I'd get a reel out of it, which is legit. Not to mention I love this scene. (Click here to see the scene, it's so powerful.)

This time I don't have a witty comment. Too bad.

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Class Today, Blah Blah

Gwuh. Journaling is tedious. Regardless, today in class we did our monologues. I did the one from "The Outrageous Adventures of Sheldon and Mrs. Levine". I think it turned out pretty damned good, if I do say so myself.

I'm only saying that because I played it way differently than how I had for generals. I played it way more subdued for generals, and this time I played with it and decided to go more angsty. Honestly though, that's probably because I'm doing "My Angry Vagina" for Vagina Monologues. I've finally perfected it, I think. I have a lot of levels and vocal variety, and ups and downs in emotions. (But not in a bipolar way, haha.)

But getting back to class, it was also interesting to see people perform their monologues. I know Jarret and Michelle both did monologues that they got in Voice & Speech about a year ago. They've really grown/ mastered their monologues and I really enjoyed seeing that.

I also noticed that a person's choice in monologue can really effect how someone views you as an actor or individual. I mean, monologues are supposed to exemplify a person's acting skill, but I noticed that a part of my mind quietly judged the person based on what they chose to perform. I suppose that's how directors or casting directors feel. Like, "I shouldn't be judging them on their piece, I should be assessing their acting", but that little bitch we all have inside us won't shut up for anyone, I suppose.

Another little bitch that won't shut up for anyone. Ladies and gents, Janice Dickinson.

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Class, Shameless Self Promotion, and a NEW SHOW!

I've been really busy lately, hence the not-updated journal lately.

Also, I feel the need to include a mini-disclaimer.

If you're reading this, chances are at one point or another you'll think I'm a self-involved bitch or an annoying little snoot, etc. I can almost guarantee it. This is because this is a journal though, and journals are where people more often than not write about themselves and their experiences. Also, I'm deliberately choosing not to censor myself, even though anyone can read this. This is a place for my thoughts, and quite frankly I'm too lazy to hide certain posts and e-mail them to Peter at another time. Journaling is hard enough for me as it is.

Not onto the real topic.

I haven't journaled about class lately. May as well start with that. This week we've been doing more listening and breathing exercises. Well, not so much listening as it is just being aware of the world around you and sensing it all. Like standing in a circle with our eyes shut and humming when the person to the left of us began humming, etc. It was really interesting. You really had to be paying attention and in tune with everyone around you. Which is the way it should be in a scene or play: you should be totally focused on the other actor/ actors you're working with so you can react, not just expect a cue then say your line. Acting is about reacting.

On top of that I got to be an absolute CREEP in my Geology class and essentially observe a petite Asian girl I sit next to so I could portray what she looked like to the class. I chose her because she holds her pencil in really really weird way. Also she's really petite, and I'm... Not.

A to-scale representation of me versus her.

I figured it would be a good challenge for me to try to portray someone that's physically smaller than I am, and it was. I enjoyed the suggestions I got, and the class talked about it more than I had anticipated, it went really well.


On a really freaking exciting note, I'm in "A Midsummer Night's Dream"!!! It's going to be epic, I'm so excited. So far the cast list said "Fairy", but I'm unsure which fairy I am as of right now. Regardless of which one I am, I'm super psyched for the raked stage and fairy battles. Not to mention the fact that's it set in the 60's. That pretty freaking epic as well.

It'll be fun, I think, to move from one show to the next. Literally. The day after Vagina Monologues closes I'll have my first rehearsal for Midsummer. I've never done that before, and I'm really super excited!

Speaking of Vagina Monologues, if you're reading this, you should see them. They're going to be really great, and all the proceeds go to the charity we chose (License to Freedom) and the National V-Day Campaign's charity. Also, it's just a really good show. And you kind of have to go because it's a student production. But bring your friends!

Click here for more info: The Vagina Monologues Event Page

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Generals

I had generals this morning. Yes. Yes I did.

I never really know what to say about my auditions, honestly. Auditions always freak me the hell out. So what generally happens is I get up on stage, slate, and then go into autopilot and I don't remember actually doing my monologues.

I like to imagine something like this goes on in my brain.

I don't think I screwed up too much today. I know I didn't have any major line flub-ups. The transitioning is always hard, so I don't even want to think about that.

I need to stop being so nervous about freaking general auditions. If I don't get in, I don't get in, whatever. Life goes on. My problem is I can't help but over think and get nervous, and then that makes me mess up. It doesn't matter how many times I've rehearsed it or how well I've got it memorized. And that sucks.

The weird thing is, I've been acting for about 5 years, and I still get horrible stage fright. The most annoying part it, it's never before I do a show. Never before I do a scene or a monologue for class. It only happens before an audition. And I hate that, because otherwise I'm not nervous, so I assume I don't have the jitters anymore, then I don't expect them at my next audition. But whatddya' know, more jitters.

Plus that long walk from the Green Room to the Experimental didn't really help.

Even though it did make me feel like I was about to kick some ass.

Since you know, it's just like in all those boxing, wrestling or various other fighting movies where they have a long walk down a shady looking corridor before the big fight.

I don't know.
I just like the movies Snatch and Fight Club.

And not just because I get to see Brad Pitt without a shirt in both films.

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Bwuh.

Last night I had rehearsal for Vagina Monologues. Honestly, I've been looking forward to it all week. I love working on this show. Basically last night we had a rough stumble-through of the entire show. (For the most part.)

It ended up actually going really well. I did say "line" a couple of times, but eh. I do that a lot. I say line when I don't need to. EVERY time (except 1, I think) I ended up knowing what my line was before they told me. I just get really nervous, I guess. Especially because I think I'm the youngest person in the whole cast. So I push myself because I feel like I have to "hold my own", but on the other hand I get extremely nervous and make silly precautions for myself, like saying line when I don't need to.

Bwuh.

Other than that though, it went very well. All the other girls were very good. But there was one that kind of.... Well it was kind of boring. Just that time, at least. I mean it's the first time I've heard it. But the monologue was one of the longer ones, and she had a very, VERY, slow pace throughout the entire thing, and there wasn't a single ounce of variety. And it was boring.

Stuff like that worries me sometimes. I'm doing "My Angry Vagina", and at first I struggled with making it interesting to listen to, because let's face it, listening to someone yelling for a straight 3 minutes can be really tedious and boring. So I'm working with levels now, different kinds of tones and inflections. And not yelling throughout the entire thing. That too.

I don't want the audience to find me boring. That worries me a lot in shows. Sometimes people can be boring or long-winded, and the audience starts to look around at what else in going on. I feel like as an actor, you should always try to be as interesting as possible without being showy or fake. You have to find that happy medium to make it interesting and real.

I'm starting to get pretty close with the other girls in the cast. I really like that. Honestly, I've never been in a show where for the first week we just did bonding exercises and stuff. It's a shame, really. Now that I've done it I feel like every show should do that. It makes the whole rehearsal process a lot more comfortable for everyone. I've always had a bit of a hard time making friends with girls, too. I don't know why. Regardless, I really like all the girls, they're really supportive and nice. I think this is the closest I've ever been with a cast before.

It's good.

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And So it Begins

Basically what I want to use this blog for is a place to talk about my rehearsal experiences in shows that I work on, in addition to talking about each class day in Acting II. Which I have to do. But I think once I finish this semester I'll keep it up. It might end up being drastically different and perhaps morph into more than just a place for my "acting talk", but I'm pretty sure I'll keep it up. So, uh, let's get started.

I don't think I've ever felt so overwhelmed but so lax ever before. This semester is going to be one of the easiest and hardest I'll ever have acting-wise.

I'm terribly excited. I'm working on "The Vagina Monologues" right now, which is amazing, and I can't wait to audition for Generals on Monday, and Advanced Voice & Text and Acting II are going to be great, but I'm so nervous.

I feel like part of this is because I really want to push myself. So far in my acting career here, I haven't felt nearly as challenged as I wanted to be/ expected to be. So I'm excited because I know I'm going to push myself. A lot. A hell of a lot. I suppose I'm nervous because I'm creating new boundaries for myself. (And part of me knows I'll only end up creating even greater boundaries eventually.)

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